Swan Song

Swan Song – By Clutchy McGuinness


“The silver Swan, who living had no Note,

when Death approached, unlocked her silent throat.

Leaning her breast against the reedy shore,

thus sang her first and last, and sang no more:

“Farewell, all joys! O Death, come close mine eyes!

“More Geese than Swans now live, more Fools than Wise.”

  • Orlando Gibbons




Jamie woke up abruptly with a gasp.  Her eyes started streaming with tears as she opened them  and took her first voluntary deep breath in over a month.  An IV pumped a small cocktail of drugs into her veins to wake her up from the twilight stasis she had been in.  She removed an oxygen mask.  A bell started ringing very loudly, scaring her, so she put it back on.  She squinted from a bright light that shone into her sun glasses, then her eyes became wide with panic.  A large and awkward apparatus around her skull also had headphones that were fitted tightly over her ears.  “Welcome back Jamie, time to wake up” said a calm soothing female voice.  She was vibrating and rattling around violently, and a sturdy and hefty harness kept her strapped to the wall.  Her feet dangled out in front of her.  There were 11 other people who were similarly strapped down, 12 total, on a multi level vessel, 6 on top, and 6 on bottom, positioned around an empty fuel-core of a rocket, heading directly into the center of the sun.  The time had arrived.  They were just moments away.  They were going home now.  The blinding, bright light filled the vessel, and the light source seemed to rotate around as the space faring pod spun magnificently.  Everyone had on solar glasses, so they could look directly at the glowing star for their last moments.

A tiny metal speck carrying twelve humans from planet earth was about to be engulfed by the giant burning solar-inferno.  Despite the blinding whiteness of the sun, the surrounding void of space was pitch black. The vast ocean of unimaginable fire, heat and explosions blasted out from the surface, whipping solar flares out like a cosmic bullwhip, blasting with pure energy that cannot be fully described.

She had inoperable stage 4 brain cancer in the year 2039.  She was 68 years old.  Doctor’s said that she lived in a veritable hot zone of electromagnetic fields, radio frequencies, wifi, bluetooth and every other form of electro-info pollution that had caused her brain to rot like an old peach in the sun.

Jamie’s headphones turned on.  She decided to listen to the “Hallelujah Chorus” from the great composer Handel.  Her thinking was that this angelic song would make certain that her soul avoided hell and went directly to heaven, or the bright burning sun, to become one with the infinite God, and her dearly departed family members.  This song was going to be the last thing she heard before disintegrating into the giant burning sphere.

“Hallelujah, Hallelujah!” she shouted.

Meanwhile, sitting directly beneath her on the vessel was Jim, listening to Norman Greenbaum’s “Spirit in the Sky.”  This is how he wanted to go to heaven, he smiled and chimed in, “We’re goin’ up to the spirit in the sky.”  Jim was 83 and had the early stages of a very aggressive form alzheimers.  He was also vibrating wildly, strapped to the wall.

On the head gear, everyone also had a little mechanical arm that held camera and light that turned on to record a message.  The microphone was in the mouthpiece.  It was their farewell message to their families back on earth.  They’d get it in about 2 minutes.

Jim shouted “WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!  We’re going up to the spirit in the sky!  In the sky!  I love you guys, Krissy you’re the love of my life!  I’m gonna love you forever!”

Jamie said, “Jess, I’ll see you when you get here!  God bless!  I love you so much, don’t miss me, I’ll always be up here waiting!”

On the other side of the vessel sat Frank.  Frank was perfectly healthy, along with everyone else on the vessel, most of whom decided to remain asleep for the transformational process. Frank was just simply escaping a planet that was in decay, and so he decided to take a proactive step toward ascension.  This was the “Opt Out Option” that was becoming a popular option for many earthlings lately.  He was listening to “Bloo Blim Bop” a kruddy K-pop band from the People’s One-Korea.  He tried to mimic the sounds and sing along by gargling and making farting sounds from his mouth.  He recorded a message to his brother, “I love you man!  Ohhhh shhhhitttttt!!!”  His mouthpiece dripped with saliva.

 Then the heat shield on the vessel came apart right on time, and within a fraction of a second, the entire vessel burst into flames.  Everyone inside was immediately disintegrated and absorbed into the colossal, burning solar mass.


Back on earth, a room of people sat in a planetarium, affectionately called the Ascension Mission Command Room, with a large, real-time holographic representation of the sun that spun slowly over head.  Some people were crying, others were smiling.  There was also a tiny holographic depiction of the vessel, which was slowly approaching the sun.  It sparked and burned bright for a half a second and tiny, microscopic bits of glowing holographic debris floated into the holographic sun.  People gasped, people laughed, people cheered.  Three people joined together in a tiny applause.  A champagne bottle popped.  An old man in the back lit his pipe.

 Everyone in the Ascension Mission Command held a glass display screen in their hand that started receiving the transmissions from their loved ones who were now in paradise.  The ones who remained asleep for their entry into the sun had recorded their message earlier sometime in transit.  The large glowing sun kept spinning overhead.

Out in the lobby, a comforting voice said to a crowd of prospective customers staring at a holographic display center displaying spinning images of the sun, ancient architecture and religious iconography, “We here at Swan Song have done extensive and comprehensive research connecting all the dots of religious beliefs, ancient texts, metaphysics, astrophysics, and all the so-called paranormal and cutting edge neo-spirit sciences to bring you the one and only nearly guaranteed way of entering into paradise, peacefully and happily, to become one with the infinite, forever.”

“Jesus once remarked, ‘I am the bright morning star’” the voice said, showing an angelic depiction of a racially indistinguishable Jesus.  “The Sun Dance was the ancient tradition of the Native American people that brought together many different tribes in wonderful celebration.”  Two people turned and walked away.

A small group of people smiled warmly looking at the bright 3D light display display, now showing a depiction of the warm glowing sun, bright white, then dissolving into visions of people dancing in slow motion dressed in white robes holding hands, bathed in a glowing golden warmth.

“What we offer is assurance that you and your loved ones will be reunited with God, the infinite, the great energy source that gives and takes all life.”

“We have, through years of research and trials, determined that the glowing little ball of energy that we once called the human soul, is actually a part of the sun at the center of this galaxy.  So all we do is simply guarantee that with 99.98666% percent accuracy that these souls will be reunited with God and other human souls in the center of the sun.  It’s ancient spirituality meets astronomy and astrophysics.  Essentially all we do is match your vibrational frequency with the vibrational frequency of the sun.”

“Did you know that the Pyramids of Giza were originally built to act as a machine to launch human souls of the dead Pharaohs back to the sun?  All pyramids around the world were constructed for that exact purpose.  To catapult the soul into the sun.  The ancients have known this for time immemorial.”

A large semi-transparent representation of the Great Pyramid spun around and showed the Pharaoh’s chamber and then shrunk and pulled back as a beam of light burst from the top of the superstructure, then going directly to the center of the sun.  The holographic sun burst with a bit of added energy and luminescence as the beam with the Pharaoh’s soul became fully absorbed.

“For many thousands of years back on earth, humans have struggled with souls that have been trapped in earth.  Avoid the confusing experience of being a tormented ghost, a lost soul stuck on earth in a painful state of angst, or reincarnation, where your soul will continually be stuck in a cycle of death and rebirth, and you will endure the struggles of life’s hardest lessons over and over.”

The holographs started to depict smoke stacks, cities, trash, landfills, and sick people wearing face masks.

“Also, you can feel good about removing yourself from this sick planet, and continuing to consume and waste valuable and scarce resources.  It’s really a win-win for everybody.”

“What we offer at Swan Song is a near guarantee that your soul will be directly in heaven and arrive in comfort and style, listening to your favorite song upon entry into the sun, your Swan Song .”



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